
Saturday, 26 December 2009
Wednesday, 23 December 2009
Monday, 21 December 2009
Friday, 18 December 2009
Thursday, 17 December 2009
Tuesday, 15 December 2009
Monday, 14 December 2009
Sunday, 13 December 2009
Saturday, 12 December 2009
Thursday, 10 December 2009
Tuesday, 8 December 2009
Monday, 7 December 2009
Saturday, 5 December 2009
Thursday, 3 December 2009
Wednesday, 2 December 2009
Monday, 30 November 2009
Saturday, 28 November 2009
Friday, 27 November 2009
Thursday, 26 November 2009
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
Well, of course!
A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more! Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time!
” The lady can't take this any more, “You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig,” she retorted indignantly! “In this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!”
“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell ' Mississippi !"
“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more! Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time!
” The lady can't take this any more, “You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig,” she retorted indignantly! “In this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!”
“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell ' Mississippi !"
Sunday, 22 November 2009
Saturday, 21 November 2009
Friday, 20 November 2009
Thursday, 19 November 2009
Wednesday, 18 November 2009
Tuesday, 17 November 2009
Monday, 16 November 2009
Saturday, 14 November 2009
Friday, 13 November 2009
Thursday, 12 November 2009
New council tax evaluation!
A new council tax-evaluation policy wants to charge us more if we live in a nice area. That ought to mean discounts for those of us who live in rough areas.
There is a huge council house in our street. The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of fierce dogs. Her car isn't taxed or insured and doesn't even have a number plate, but the police still do nothing.
Her bad-tempered old man is notorious for racist comments. A shopkeeper blames him for ordering the murder of his son and his son's girl-friend, but nothing has been proved.
All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone thought was gay.
Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always out partying in nightclubs. They are out of control.
I hate living near Windsor Castle
There is a huge council house in our street. The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of fierce dogs. Her car isn't taxed or insured and doesn't even have a number plate, but the police still do nothing.
Her bad-tempered old man is notorious for racist comments. A shopkeeper blames him for ordering the murder of his son and his son's girl-friend, but nothing has been proved.
All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone thought was gay.
Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always out partying in nightclubs. They are out of control.
I hate living near Windsor Castle
Wednesday, 11 November 2009
Tuesday, 10 November 2009
Saturday, 7 November 2009
Friday, 6 November 2009
Thursday, 5 November 2009
Wednesday, 4 November 2009
Tuesday, 3 November 2009
Monday, 2 November 2009
Blonde payment scheme!
"Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-panel energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Hellloooo,...........just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot!"
Sunday, 1 November 2009
Saturday, 31 October 2009
The School Report!!
A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed
was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, she saw an
envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.
It was addressed, 'Mum' With the worst premonition, she opened the
envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
'Dear, Mum. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Mum. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mum, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren... Love, your son, Nicholas.
“P.S. Mum, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk”
I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
'Dear, Mum. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Mum. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mum, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren... Love, your son, Nicholas.
“P.S. Mum, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk”
I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
Wednesday, 28 October 2009
Monday, 26 October 2009
Sunday, 25 October 2009
Friday, 23 October 2009
Thursday, 22 October 2009
Monday, 19 October 2009
Sunday, 18 October 2009
Saturday, 17 October 2009
Friday, 16 October 2009
Thursday, 15 October 2009
Wednesday, 14 October 2009
Tuesday, 13 October 2009
Monday, 12 October 2009
Sunday, 11 October 2009
Saturday, 10 October 2009
Thursday, 8 October 2009
Wednesday, 7 October 2009
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